The streak continues.......

Jackson is back in the hospital. You would think we would be use to it by now and that it would be easier to swallow. It's not. It's horribly depressing. Another picc line infection. Another week in the hospital.

Our streak is not one to envy. So far we have spent these holidays in the hospital: Memorial Day, Carter's birthday, Neil's birthday, Flag Day, Fourth of July, Pioneer Day, Labor Day, and now my birthday and Halloween. I guess we really only have Thanksgiving and Christmas to make it a perfect 10. I am already so nervous about spending those holidays in the hospital. I may need to be admitted to the psych ward if that does happen.

Friday was my 3oth birthday. That in and of its self is depressing. But then to spend almost the whole day in the ER then be admitted to hospital almost put me over the edge. I had a fun little party planned for the 4 of us. Mostly for Carter's entertainment. Instead we had a short, mediocre party with the 3 of us.

The few minutes I'm not at the hospital each day are filled with constant reminders of who is missing in our house. I find his binkies everywhere. I fold his cute baby clothes that he doesn't get to wear. I walk past his dark, empty room and wish so badly he was home with us. Instead I drive down the street each and every day and spend the majority of my day sitting in a small hospital room with my baby.

Which leads me to the next problem. I have 2 "babies" that need me. And I can't fully meet each of their needs with them being in different places. Carter will go with me for part of the days and sit in the room and play with his Ipad or watch TV. But he gets bored easily and I can't blame him. Thank heavens for Grandmas who help me during the day and take a shift either with Jax or Carter. And thank heavens for wonderful nurses who dote on my baby and feed and snuggle him when I can't be there. He is the ONLY pediatric patient in the whole hospital. Goes to show how small this hospital really is. Last week the Peds floor was officially closed, now Jax has gone and opened it up! And since Jax is there, they have to lock down the floor so nobody steals him..........if someone did steal my cute baby I'm sure they would have him back in the hour after they learned of all his problems!

I am convinced that no mother or father for that matter, should EVER have to rush their baby to the emergency room. Know how many times I have had to do that with Carter or Jax? More times than I can count. Pretty soon I will have a designated parking spot out front of the ER.

And no parent should ever know the fear of having their phone ring in the middle of the night, see the hospital on caller ID and be told by the nurse to "please come quickly." Jax gave us quite a scare Sunday morning. Life flight or ambulance was almost called to give him a ride to Primary Children's. Luckily the problem turned out to be minor and he could stay in Logan. Which is good....I was still in my pajamas and I hadn't brushed my teeth.

Being a mom to a chronically sick baby is hard. Really hard. It's physically and emotionally draining. And I've learned that emotionally draining is twice as hard as physical. Sometimes I feel bad about complaining about my trial when it is obvious that others have a much heavier cross to bear. I know babies who shared a room with Jax at the NICU who have since passed away. I think of them and their families often. How hard and unfair life is for them. I cannot think of anything harder than losing a child. I was talking with a wise friend who has trials far beyond mine. I told her I could never complain or think my life was hard. She put it a really great way when she told me that just because it's not the "hardest" trial in life, it is still hard, really hard, and very real to me. Someone else having a harder trial does not make my trial any less, especially to me.

I remember when we were at Primary Children's last time and I was riding the elevator. I rode with a man, a stranger, who I guess was desperate for conversation. He said "Why are you here?" (At Primary's you can tell who is a visitor and who has children admitted by a special badge you wear.) I told him my baby just had surgery. He asked what for and not wanting to get into it I simply told him "He was born with an obstructed bowel." His reply...."Oh well that's easy." I just smiled and got off the elevator. Part of me wanted to scream and tell him that no, it's not easy. Jax's life may never be easy. And that 99% of bowel obstructions are easy but for some reason, we were in that 1%. I don't really believe in statistics or percentages. I know Jax proudly accepted this trial on the other side, but the mortal part of me still wonders "Why." Why him. Why does life have to be hard for a baby. I don't care that my life is thrown upside down. I care that he goes through so much. I would take short gut syndrome if that meant he could be healthy.

The other day I found some blogs of fellow short gut parents. I try to not look on the internet anymore about short gut. The statistics aren't always promising. Neil has made me promise to stop reading internet info.........but I'm glad I found these blogs. All about darling little kids/babies who live the life of short gut. And guess what? Among all the hospitalizations, infections, and etc I found happy children, happy families, and a new "normal" life. You can be happy with short gut. You learn to find a new "normal." Not the normal I use to live, but maybe a better normal. There were children who live with basically no side effects of short gut. There are others who still have TPN at 5 years old. There are some who moved across the country to be closer to a children's hospital. Those who sold their houses and quit their jobs to give their child the best shot at a healthy life. I realized you can even have more kids after a short gut baby! I realized we are very blessed. It can always be worse. Much worse. Modern Medicine and Science are amazing. We are so lucky to live so close to Primary Children's and to have the doctors we have. We feel that if we weren't lead to the Surgeon we had, Jackson's quality of life may have never been as good as it is now. I believe he was truly inspired by the things he did and the procedures he performed. All out of the ordinary and all beneficial to my baby.

This post may be depressing but a little therapeutic for me. Life is hard sometimes but that doesn't change the fact that I would and will do anything for my 2 boys. They are worth each and every heartache and tear.

To lighten the post up a bit: A cute pic of my boys, in the hospital, in their halloween costumes. They were the cutest kids there. And I can say that without lying since Jax is the only pediatric patient there!

Photo Shoot

We were bored one day and so I decided to take some very amateur shots of the boys. I had to bribe Carter with fruit snacks to get him to cooperate as he does not appreciate having his picture taken. But I must say, he was willing to do anything for a fruit snack and really got into this shoot. He was making up his own poses and I could barely get any normal shots of him.

I can't believe how old he looks. He was my first baby and now he's all grown up. I tell him all the time that he was my first baby and that I miss him as my baby but the truth is, I love him at this age. He's so fun.

One of his own poses. And an action we see frequently when he decided to dance to music.

Ever since his Uncle Steve taught him what an "elbow drop" is, he has been very aware of his elbows and a little rough with them. Thank you Steve.

He's all about the fake Cheese smile. I couldn't get him to smile normally for me.

I laugh when I see this pose that he chose.
This one is actually my favorite. He was so proud of himself for thinking of this position and I almost got a real Carter smile out of him.

Here is the picture that best reflects my first baby. All grown up.

I decided to snap some of Jax as well and try as I may, I couldn't get one smile out of him....

Notice the darling quilt behind him? My best friend Kristen made this for him and hand delivered it while he was still in the NICU. Before his take down surgery he wasn't allowed to use any of his nice quilts that people made, for fear of leaking all over them. Now I need to snap more pics of him with the other adorable quilts he has.

He and Kristen have a special bond in that they have both had major bowel surgery and they've both said it was quite painful!

Jax with his new monkey. Carter has a stuffed monkey that he sleeps with each night and so Aunt Linsey thought Jax should have his own. Carter tried to convince us that he needed to sleep with this monkey too.

Blessing Day

We were finally able to bless Jackson on the 9th of October. We had set a couple of other tentative times to bless him but he always ended up in the hospital. It was a very special day for our family and lots of our extended family came to support us. We are very thankful for the support our family gives/gave us so we were glad they were here for this special day.

This is how excited Jackson was to be blessed. He was perfect during the blessing and didn't make a sound. He got to wear the same outfit that Carter wore 3 years ago. I love to have them wear some of the same clothing and compare pictures. Jax is 4 months old at his blessing and

Carter is almost 2 months old.

Look how fat and rolly Carter was. Complete opposite of Jax.

Our happy little family. All together.

Carter had to give Jax a smooch! Thanks to everyone who came to support us and Jax. Jax is very lucky to have so many people who love and pray for him.

Jax

So much to catch up on. So little time. I'll have to do more than one post to get everything. We arrived home September 26th. After 5 LOOOONG weeks in the hospital. Boy were we glad to be home and sleep in our own beds. And most importantly, have our sweet little Jackson home with us.

I've thrown some random pics from the hospital in the post, just because.

Jax experienced the BUMBO chair for the first time in the hospital. He quite enjoyed it and it was a nice change from laying in his bed the whole day. He has great head control for being in the hospital for so long and not getting a lot of tummy time as a newborn.

Neil's sister Linsey is a Dr. at the U and also does some work at Primarys. We were so lucky to have her. Seriously, I don't know how we could have survived our stay at the hospital without her. She lives about 3 miles from the hospital and let the 3 of us crash at her house for 5 weeks. Without any complaint. And she even took time out of her busy busy schedule to stop by and see Jax almost every day. Carter was in heaven living with Aunt Linsey and she spoiled him rotten. She was so patient with him and they went on so many fun adventures to give Neil and I a chance to be at the hospital without carter.

During the 5 weeks Jax was in the hospital I only left once. It was a Saturday and we needed to come back to Logan to do some things and gather some things. When I left Jax was happy and doing great. Of course once we arrived back in Logan I found out he was throwing up again and not allowed to eat for 24 hours. I was so sad to be away from him and worried constantly about him. But Aunt Linsey came to the rescue. She spent most of that night sitting in the rocking chair holding a cranky baby who desperately wanted to eat. She said she sat for about 6 hours straight just holding him while he slept. Then she came back bright and early the next morning until I could get there. We really owe Linsey a lot for all she did for us and our boys.

This picture is from August when Jax really started smiling. He is still a smiley guy. He doesn't laugh yet but he is so close......when he really smiles his whole body almost shakes and he makes a soft grunting noise because he is trying so hard to laugh.

Loves his big brother and is so patient with a loud and overbearing 3 year old always in his face!

The first week we got home was a little rough. I was hoping since he didnt' have his ostomies anymore, life would be a breeze. I was wrong. The day after we got home he got diarrhea and that freaked me out. He doesn't have any weight to lose and I was worried about dehydration and him losing weight. I eventually pinpointed what was causing the diarrhea. Right before we left the hospital they started adding stuff to the breast milk he drinks. Microlipids and pectin. Lipids are just fats that were suppose to help him gain weight faster. And the pectin was just regular old canning pectin added to help thicken his stool and slow down the process for him. But once I took those out of his diet, the diarrhea went away almost immediately. And things got so much better. His poor little bum paid a dear price though. He had a wicked diaper rash from the constant diarrhea that took me until today to clear up. Now that the diarrhea is gone, he is back to gaining weight and I am breathing a bit easier now.

This was kind of a sweet moment for me.....Because of everything Jackson has had he had NEVER been in running water before. He was always sponged bathed. And because he still has that PICC in his arm, he cannot be submerged in water. He can't get the picc wet. So I bathed him in the sink the very first day we got home. He loves it. I can't wait until the day his PICC is gone and he can splash in the real tub. I have a feeling he will love every second of it.

He has really found his hands in the last few days and has them in his mouth frequently. He isn't so much sucking on them as he is chewing on them. I thought he may be teething at first but haven't seen any teeth pop in. Either way, it's causing a lot of drooling!

Don't you wish your bum was this cute?!? He is still very very skinny and super long. His height is in the 70% and his weight only in the 3rd%. We just started adding some alimentum formula to his breast milk to try and pack on the pounds. Regular formula or breast milk is 20 calories per ounce. Jackson's milk is bulked up to 24 calories per ounce. I am hoping and praying this will do the trick to put some meat on his bones. He is still on TPN. That is why he needs the PICC line. We brought him home on only 3 nights a week of TPN but I asked the Dr. to increase it to every night while he had the diarrhea to give him extra calories. The plan is to keep him on TPN nightly until he shows us that his weight gain is steady and he doesn't need it. I was really hoping he wouldn't need it after surgery but he does. The Dr. keeps telling me that a short gut patient, at only 4 months old, getting only 12 hours a day of TPN is remarkable. So I try and remember that. The research shows that most short gut patient's guts(did you get all that?!) don't start to figure stuff out totally until about 6 months old. So he still in right on track. And just because he needs TPN now, doesn't mean he will always need it. I pray very specifically each day for his gut to figure out how to absorb all he needs, with what little he has left. It can be done and I'm praying for it!

He still loves TV. Which is good and bad....I'll explain more about that later.

My tiny boy. This tiny boy has 2 temperaments. Happy and smiling or Screaming. There is rarely an in between. When he is mad he can scream like it's no body's business.

But when he's happy, he's quite the charmer. When he flashes that dimple I pretty much give him whatever he wants!

We are really trying to make up for lost time now that he is home and doing so well. He didn't get a lot of tummy time before due to all the hardware on his stomach and all the time in the hospital. When we left Primary Children's they referred Jackson to the "Up to 3" state program. Simply for the fact that he's spent most of his time in the hospital. His gut problems should cause no developmental delays but being in a hospital can. So the therapists are coming out and evaluation this week. He has great head control, can roll from tummy to back(rare, but he can) but the biggest problem she noticed was about toys. I noticed before that he has no real interest in toys. He'd rather look around and can entertain himself by just looking at things. Which is a common problem after being hospitalized for so long. He constantly had new surroundings and people around him that he was entertained by them. So we are going to work on him discovering toys and wanting to reach out and grab them. And once he grabs them, putting them in his mouth. Even in the last 2 days as I've worked a little with him, he's starting to recognize toys and get excited at the sight of them. Now we just need him to want to pick them up and play with them. He has the muscle tone and capability to do that, he just doesn't know he should. The therapist thinks he should catch on really quickly and won't need help very long.

And here is my sweet boy in all his glory. His 3 scars. Which are healing so nicely. I can barely remember 6 weeks ago and all the stuff he had attached to his abdomen. Modern medicine is truly amazing.

Jax is still not up to full feeds yet but I am hoping by the end of the month to have him to his goal amount. Which is about 120 mL per feeding. Right now he is at about 105 mL per feeding. So we're not too far off. I am increasing his amount very slowly as to not overwhelm his gut. If we push to fast, it can really set him back and we don't want that. I feel a lot of pressure being in charge of decisions like this. When to increase, when to stay where we're at etc...

All in all he's doing really well and we're loving having him home and doing normal things together. He is such a sweet little boy and we're very lucky to have him in our home and family. Because he still has the PICC line in his arm it is VERY likely he will get another infection and have to be hospitalized again. I don't mean to be pessimistic but the odds aren't in our favor. But today we hit 16 days straight of being home together. Our previous record was 10 days. So we're hoping no infections and many many more days at home together.

My First Baby

I can't forget Carter in all of these posts so this one is dedicated to him. I want to write down some of the funny and some of the horribly naughty things he does before I forget them.

Carter is the classic "First Child." At least classic as to what I imagine all first children to be like. Not spoiled per se, but waited upon and had my sole attention for 2.9 years. He doesn't really want to be independent. And I REALLY need him to be more independent now that Jackson is here and requires a lot of attention. I have had to really bribe and threaten him to start doing some simple tasks by himself. Dressing himself, cleaning up his toys, putting dirty clothes in the hamper, and etc. I really don't want to be putting his underwear on him when he's 11. This morning I told him we needed to get his teeth brushed before we put his clothes on for the day. I came into the bathroom, and to my surprise he had started brushing his own teeth! I'm not ready to relinquish complete control on teeth brushing yet but he is allowed to start brushing his teeth, and I finish.

He really loves his baby brother. We have lots of nicknames for Jackson and Carter has adopted them all and uses them frequently. He uses a high pitched voice he reserves just for Jax and Jax really eats it up. Jax loves to watch Carter and loves the attention Carter gives him. He saves some of his best smiles and coos for his big brother. Carter copies a lot of what I say and uses that with Jax. I don't realize what I say until I hear Carter repeat it.....Some examples: "Hi Honey bear, do you have any smiles for me? That's a good smile Jax!"

Both of my boys posing in their pajamas. Which I am really trying hard to have us all out of our pajamas before lunch some mornings!
He likes to be affectionate with Jackson and wants to give him hugs and kisses before I put him down for each and every nap. And if I forget, he calls me on it. He hates to see Jax cry and if he's in bed crying, he will sprint into his room and turn on his little mobile that's attached to the side of his crib. He's such a great helper and knows the names of all the supplies so I can tell him to please get me a blue flush, a saline flush and an alcohol swab please! He really wants to help me flush Jax's PICC line but that is a sterile procedure so no go on that one!

We bought an IPAD during our long stay in the hospital. Mostly for entertainment purposes and Carter is obsessed with it. He knows his way around and through that thing better than I do. He begs to play games and watch movies on it. I have to hide it when he's spent enough time on it because he will sneak it and play it forever! But man, it does keep him quiet forever.

Carter is really into practicing his photography skills. He's getting a lot better with heads only being cut off about 25% of the time. I don't even remember him taking this lovely picture of me.

Carter is really into riding his bike. He has a scoot bike, which has no pedals that he is a pro on. We bought him a regular pedal bike and he is terrified of it. Which is exactly how he was with his scoot bike at first. My cautious little boy. He gets that from me. This picture is from a bike track in Park City that we went to a couple of times during our stays in SLC. He loved it.

Here are Carter and Neil playing "demolition derby" on their bikes. A game made up by Carter. We took him to 2 demolition derbys during the summer and he fell in love. So now he plays demolition derby all the time. On his bike, just running around the house and with his toy cars. Keeps him entertained for hours.

He's great at playing alone but does occasionally want me to play with him. But really, he just wants me to sit there and watch him play. Example: He has a road rug in his room that he loves to drive his cars on. He'll ask me to play and I'll come in and sit down but I'm not allowed to sit or kneel on the rug. Only he is. Then when I grab a car and start playing along, he tells me that he wants to be that specific car....so basically I just watch. But it makes him happy.

Trying his pedal bike.....while whining the whole time!

He has got quite the attitude lately. He is getting sassy in his 3rd year of life. If I ask him to get in bed he will respond "You get in bed mom." No idea where he learned to be this sassy but I'm trying to nip it in the bud. When he gets frustrated with me or what i'm asking him to do his new phrase is "Momma, you make me tired(or crazy, or mad)." Said while giving the biggest sigh. I may or may not have said that to him before!

This boy is all about the food. I'm not sure where he puts it all because at his 3 yr check-up the Dr. said he was actually a but underweight for his height. He wants to eat constantly and I always have to tell him no. This night we were having his all-time favorite meal. Meatballs and rice with cornbread. Menu planned by Carter. He is so messy....granted cornbread is crumbly but it looked like a cornbread massacre after he was finished. I contemplated just bringing in a hose and hosing down the kitchen.

Here he is after drinking another love of his....a smoothie. He refuses to leave one drop in the cup and so his face ends up looking like the Joker. He had no idea why were laughing at him this day and why I was snapping his picture. It's even in his eyebrows if you look closely. While staying in SLC with Aunt Linsey, she spoiled him rotten by making him her famous smoothies almost every day.

While in SLC we had the opportunity to attend the Ringling Brothers Circus. He had no idea what a circus really was but he quite enjoyed himself. He kept his "ticket" clutched in his hand almost the entire show.

His favorite part was the elephants. Mine was the Tigers.

Me and Carter at the Circus. We forgot to get Neil in the picture but we all had a fun time, but missed having Jackson with us. He liked the circus so much that we are going to a different circus later this week. In Logan!

He has been such a great little boy through out this whole time in and out of the hospital. He is so patient and so adaptable. He is really growing up right before our eyes. He has always been a very clear talker and rarely mispronounces anything. But there is one word that he has always messed up. He would says GRILLS instead of girls. And so Neil and I (and others even!) would use the word grills too, just because it was so cute and fun to say. Then one day, while in SLC he started saying GIRLS. We were so sad because it was our favorite word to hear him say. We even continued to say GRILLS and he would correct us. He's growing right up.

We decided earlier this summer that maybe naps were a thing of the past. He was having such a hard time going to bed at night so we decided to try not having naps. This is what I found almost every day. A sound asleep little boy about 4 pm in the afternoon. He would fall asleep playing or watching TV or whatever he was doing. Which isn't like Carter at all. He is very much a sleep on in the bed kind of boy. And if we were able to keep him awake til bedtime he turned into a very grumpy boy about 5 o'clock and we could barely stand him. So naps are back on. They are only successful (him falling asleep) about 50% of the time, but either way I get an hour break.

Carter keeps us laughing daily at all his new tricks and phrases. Sometimes we have to try and hide our laughter as he is throwing a fit or sassing but we sure love him and his spunk!

Happy 4 Months Jax

My baby is 4 months old! Where has the time gone? I tried really hard to focus on the good instead of remembering that we're STILL in the hospital. Because rumor has it that we get to come home this week!!

Jackson and I took a walk around the hospital today. He is so bright eyed and curious about everything. He is only on his TPN for 12 hours a day which leaves lots of time where he is connected to NOTHING. You really take for granted walking around with your baby. We haven't been able to do that really until now. His whole short life he's been connected to 2-3 pumps at a time. So walking the hallways and even going outside was such a wonderful blessing.

He's finally feeling better and keeping his food down. Which makes him and us both very happy. And in return he has morphed back into the baby who coos and smiles a lot. At anyone.

If you look at the right side of his stomach you can see his scar. Which we will always look at and remember how that incision has brought us so many things. Tears, worry, stress, faith, hope, prayers. But mostly miracles. Our miracle baby.

Carter is obsessed with the play area they have downstairs and today we took Jax down to check it out. I may or may not have shed a few tears as we got to go somewhere together, and not hooked up to anything. And I think about getting home and returning to normal life and I can hardly wait.

How will the ladies ever resist this face? Or that dimple? Or those big blue eyes? And creamy White White skin?! Can you see the faintest little roll in his right thigh? The weight is finally starting to creep back on after surgery. He is a freakishly long baby weighing in at about 12 3/4 pounds!

When we come home, we are coming home with Jackson still requiring TPN. But the hope and expectation is that in a few weeks/months he will be off of it completely. Which is way faster than the 1-2 years they thought at first. They have great hopes that he can absorb the nutrients he needs on his own and ditch the PICC line completely. There was talk of weaning him off before we left the hospital but we do not want to stay a day longer than necessary. And since we already know how to do all that at home, our GI doctor has agreed to work closely with us from home and to do it there. It may take a little bit longer at home but it will be worth it to just be home.

Right now he is at about 2/3 of a full feeding by mouth. 2 1/2 ounces per feed. Once he gets to 100% by mouth the plan is to turn TPN off and see what his little body will do. The hope is that he will continue to gain weight without it. He is only on TPN right now 12 hours a day. He came home initially on 20 hours TPN so the progress has been great. And as he eats more by mouth, we decrease the hours even more. We've seen so many miracles occur with Jackson and we're hoping for one more.

Neil and I were talking about what we'd like to do, once we're home that we couldn't do before because of the ostomy bags and TPN. Neil wants to watch TV downstairs, all together. He said he doesn't care if it's Mickey Mouse! Jax rarely made it to our basement because it's not very easy taking 3 pumps and a pole down the stairs. I chose going to the grocery store! Jackson has NEVER been to the grocery store with me before. Small things that we are both so excited about. We are ready to get home and hopefully stay home and return to normal life. If there really is such a thing as normal!! I hope to see you all at Walmart or Lees. We'll probably go there every day....just because we can. :)

I've Stopped Counting...

I use to know exactly how many days we have spent in the hospital. I no longer count. The number is getting too depressing. We are still at Primary Children's and the end is not really in sight. Jackson has had so many setbacks that we've quit asking when we get to come home. We'll just be surprised one day I guess!

I can't believe it's September. One of my fears became a reality. Summer came and went without me every really acknowledging it. Or fully partaking in the events that make a summer a summer. Don't get me wrong... Jackson is worth every bit of these struggles, but it's still very hard.

Jackson went 10 whole days without eating before they were able to pull the Anderson tube out of his nose. I thought he would be cranky and hard to console but he did amazingly. He was so patient and so giving of his cute smiles and coos. But boy did he appreciate his first bottle last Saturday. He started by eating 1 ounce at a time and the plan to increase 1/2 an ounce every 12 hours. And to have him at full feeds in a couple of days and then head home. But that didn't happen. He started throwing up, occasionally. Which wasn't a big deal. Then he started throwing up every time, and lots of it. And he didn't want to eat.........and who really does when it just makes you throw up?
So it's been an up and down thing with his feeds. They'll increase it, he'll barf, they decrease it and he gets mad! Then to top it all off, Jax got another line infection. It's so frustrating to be battling the same thing over and over again. We hope to be home in a week or 2...but we can't promise anything.

In other news:

My 3 boys watching the TV. Like Father, Like Sons eh? Even Jax is enthralled with TV. Doesn't matter what is on, he will crane his neck to get a good view. You can't break his gaze once his eyes get ahold of the screen. And Carter has developed an obsession with ice. The hospital has ice/water machines and he wants a cup full of ice, no water, each and everytime we come to the hospital. Whatever keeps him happy.

We've been trying to plan fun activities for him to get him out of the hospital. We found a fun bike park in Park City that we go to and let him ride to his heart's content.

Carter has REALLY struggled these past few weeks. He stayed with Grandma the first few days and then came to SLC with us. I am convinced he is part monster, part 3 year old. I guess those are really the same thing when you get right down to it. Sleep has become quite the battle. And one we seem to find ourselves losing frequently. He's tired of being moved around but I think we've finally got it together. Last night found the 3 of us sharing a double bed. It was quite the night let me tell you.

Here I am sporting the water proof yellow gown. When this kid barfs, he can really barf. The yellow gown saves me from multiple clothing changes. This picture was taken courtesy of Carter. This is another thing to take his mind off being in the hospital. He loves using the camera and with a few pointers our heads are usually in the pictures. How did I ever grow up with a film camera that didn't have a delete button!

Once we get the line infection cleared and Jackson keeping all his food down we get to come home. He doesn't even have to be eating the full 3 1/2 ounces to come home. Just proving that he can keep down what he's taking and we can increase the feeds at home like we did before.

We're praying for no more puke and no more infections. Although this sweet baby can still manage to flash a darling smile after all the puking. That is not something I could do!