Day 3

This is a really long post but there are so many things I don't want to forget so I need to write them down. Incoherent or not. Here they come!

These pictures are from today. They are completely out of order but I am way too tired to fix them. These pictures really speak for themselves. Such a good day. It gets a little hard sometimes to not wish for different circumstances but then days like today make me forget.

First my mom and sister brought Carter down to visit for the day. It's only been 48 hours since we've seen him but it seemed like an eternity. We were so glad to see him and my mom and sister. It gets a little lonely here!

Second:

They took out Jackson's breathing tube about 3:00 today and he was a champ. He never had any problems and remembered how to breathe on his own with no problems. Plus he's awake and we even saw his eyes for a few seconds today. After pulling the tube they watched him for a minute and then came the moment I've been waiting for.....

I got to hold Jackson for as long as I wanted. He snuggled right up to me and was as content as any baby could be. This was the first time I've seen his face without lots of tape and tubes everywhere.
The first question Carter asked when he saw us this morning was "Where's Brother?" So we took him right away to meet him. We tried to explain what he would see and how brother is a little sick with some owies. Carter wasn't scared of him but he was a little apprehensive at first. The second time Carter came over he was more willing to touch him. I think the lack of tubes, the blanket covering things up and me holding him made him feel more safe. He wanted to hold Jackson's finger and was talking to him.

Jax loves to sleep with one of his hands up near his face. The other arm holds his PIC line so it makes it a little difficult. He also loves a good binkie. He knows right what to do with that thing and I'm hoping it keeps his sucking reflex nice and strong for when it's time for some milk.

He still has his suctioning tube to get all the garbage out of his stomach until his bowels recover. But they are hopeful this tube can be removed in a week and we can start oral feedings.
As we left the nursery the first time Carter didn't want to touch Jax at all. He did however blow him sweet kisses and told him he loved him.

First time together as a family of 4. This was before Jax had his breathing tube out so he was a bit scarier to Carter.

Carter and Grandma picked out a special lovie for Carter to give to Jax and he of course chose Mickey Mouse. He now sleeps next to Jax in bed.

Carter loved riding with me in my sweet wheelchair everywhere we went.

Back down to rest. They are thinking that he may be able to be dressed in clothes tomorrow and moved to an open crib. He is having no trouble maintaining his body temperature so they are thinking of switching tomorrow. His bili ruben levels are rising a tiny bit each day so they are watching for Jaundice. And it's not uncommon, especially in premie babies. And especially since he can't eat by mouth which usually helps combat that. It's so weird to think of him as a premie since he was 6 lbs 4 oz but since he came at 35 weeks 6 days he technically is.

His hand went right back up to his sweet face. He will suck on his fingers or wrists occasionally and yesterday when he still had his tube, he would bring his wrist up and lick at it. Reminded me of a cat.

Now for the random pic of the day: This is me Tuesday morning before we left for Salt Lake. I carried Jax all up front like a basketball. The reason we ended up delivering even earlier than planned was that an ultrasound the night before showed that I had extremely high levels of amniotic fluid. Which is dangerous to me and him.

Last week my feet and fingers started swelling like crazy and now we know exactly why. There was so much fluid in me and I'm still trying to get rid of it. I gained over 7 pounds in less than a week that was all fluid. That's a lot of fluid! My feet still swell if I'm on them all day and my poor, poor nose. It took some of the fluid and is still storing it. I look at these pictures and wince. I hope my nose can go back to its original size soon.

People keep telling me they can't believe I blog once a day. It's a great outlet and it's something to do when we aren't at the NICU visiting Jax. We are allowed in there about 22 hours a day but there are 3 hours of shift changes, and private meetings where no one is allowed. Plus I have to rest a bit to try and recover from my surgery. Which is hard to do since I want to be over there so much but I try and force myself to take a few minutes each day to just sit in my bed and rest. And it feels great.

Thanks again for all the love and support. So many people have offered so many things and we really appreciate it. I am overwhelmed with all the love and support. So far there isn't anything anyone can really do but we will remember all of your offers! Actually....who wants to run my swollen feet?! No ones offered to do that yet........

And mostly, when I get discouraged thinking of how I will be discharged Saturday without my baby I try to remember that things could be much worse. And I see worse each day in the nursery. Jax is probably the healthiest little boy in his area. And probably has the best quality of life compared to the others. It's hard not to cry each time I enter and leave the nursery. I cry for my little boy but I also cry for the other babies there. It's so hard seeing sick babies. We are very grateful for the care we've received here and the wonderful doctors and nurses. They treat us like family and treat our baby like one of their own. We know he is in the best hands possible.

We met with Jax's surgeon last night after he got done of doing literally 2 days straight of surgeries. He is quite hopeful that we can take Jax home even before his last surgery. The nurses keep telling us that he can't go home until he's put back together but our surgeon makes the ultimate call and he will help us get the training we need to bring him home sooner. We don't have a timeline so we're just trying to be patient.