My 3 Year Old

Where has time gone? How is it that this sweet baby below has turned 3? What a great 3 years. What a great little boy.

His birthday was on June 16th and we were still living in SLC at this point so did a little celebrating that day and saved the big party for the next day in Logan. We spent a lot of the day at the hospital but the nurses made sure and made Carter feel special. They decorated a poster for him and gave him a balloon. It made his day. He was telling everyone it was his birthday and when they'd wish him happy birthday, he'd reply "You're Welcome!"

For Carter, turning 3 means having a small meltdown everytime I ask him to pose for a picture.

After a small bribe this is the picture I got:

These were just a couple of early birthday presents before the big ones. Of course it couldn't be a Carter moment without some CARS paraphernalia. But also a smoothie maker for his kitchen..with sound effects. Loud ones!

We headed to Logan the next day for a birthday party fit for a 3 year old. We started off the morning with Mickey Mouse pancakes, and another meltdown over the picture. (He totally gets his photogenic side from his father!)

Then we set off to make his dream cake. We found the tutorial over 6 months ago and we'd been waiting for this day for a long time. Carter was more than willing to help me make his cake.
Finally a happy picture of the Birthday Boy.
He got this wonderful bouquet of balloons from his Aunt Linsey. I'm still trying to convince him that we can get rid of them now....

Now for the big reveal......THE CAKE Carter's been dreaming of for months. Let's go back and reminisce about Carter's first 2 birthday cake debacles....

Birthday #1. What was suppose to be a big basketball turned out to be the commercial "This is your brain....This is your brain on drugs." It still tasted good though.

Birthday #2 that looked like a small child made this cake. Poor guy.

And Finally: The One where the cake turned out like planned....

The race car cake. Carter was so happy with it and especially the checkered flags. He wanted to poke the whole sack of them all over the cake. I couldn't let him do it until I'd taken pictures of my masterpiece.

And then the Party started with presents. He received so many wonderful things. Books, puzzles, games, etc etc.
After all his time in the hospital with Jackson he received his very own medical kit. He went straight for the scissors and tried some horrible looking procedure on Neil.

Then came the Pinata that we had planned and longed for. I took him to the party store and let him pick out which pinata he wanted. He fittingly picked a Race car one. I sneakily steered him away from the real CARS ones because they were 3 times as much!

The 3 kids all loved the pinata. Too bad for Neil that we don't have any trees in our yard and he had to hold the pinata.

Carter was still excited even when it wasn't his turn.

Birthday Cake time. Carter had been making us sing happy birthday to him all week. He loved the attention. He was so excited to play with all his toys that he didn't even ask for seconds. Which is rare for Carter.

Learning correct form with his t-ball set. We've got a lefty here but can bat right handed if you make him.
Family portrait after the big party. Happy Birthday Carter. We love you.

The Day Has Come....

They told us 12 weeks. It's been 5. I can't believe the day is finally here. They are releasing Jackson from the hospital tomorrow (Wednesday) and we get to bring him home. Home home. Home to Logan. We've waited such a long time for this day. I can't wait to post pictures of Jackson leaving the hospital and sleeping in his own bed. More details later.

4 weeks old

My sweet baby is 4 weeks old today. I can't believe that much time has passed already. I try not to think about how he has been in a hospital since day 1, and will continue to be in a hospital for many more days. Instead, we decided to celebrate NICU style.

First: we had some professional pictures taken. In the NICU. With all his cords and dungeon like crib. We weren't hiding anything. This is his life (for now) and we wanted to document it in its entirety. The photographer was nice enough to send me 1 picture while she gets all the rest done. This was seriously only the 2nd picture she took. He gave a nice baby smile. And best of all, we caught one of his darling dimples. He has another dimple on the other side but we've yet to catch that.

I'm so glad there are photographers out there willing to come in to the hospital and capture pictures for me.

Secondly: DRUM ROLL PLEASE:

Jackson is no longer a patient in the Newborn Intensive Care Unit! He was transferred to the Infant Unit. This is such a huge step in getting Jax home. The surgeon kept telling us that he wanted him out of the NICU because "Jackson is not sick. The NICU is for critically sick babies." So when we got the word that he was being transferred I was so happy. His care is being taken over by the GI (gastrointestinal) doctors who specialize in his exact problem. We loved the Dr.s in the NICU but they aren't specialists in babies who are missing large portions of intestine. And fittingly, Jackson's new Dr. is named Dan Jackson. The GI doctors are very gung ho and optimistic about his care and their plan for him. They want to keep increasing his feeds by mouth to where hopefully, hopefully, he can try nursing until he's full. Maybe even next week. The hardest thing about all of this is seeing my poor baby hungry and not being able to do anything about it. He loves to eat(he is an etherington) and when you only get 1 tsp every 3 hours, you want more. Lately he's been getting a little fussy at night because he is plain ole hungry. It breaks my heart as I try my hardest to console him. Luckily, he does calm pretty quickly and a binkie and some snuggling will distract him. Our biggest goal in this transfer is .........getting Jackson home. The end is finally in sight. Not as in this week, or next week, or the next.....but we are hoping to have our family together by this time next month. We are keeping our fingers crossed.
Here is Jackson's new room. Lovely, sterile, and white. But PRIVATE!! That lovely chair in the back is where we can sleep or nap if needed. We even have our own TV, DVD player and private bathroom. It is so different than being in the NICU. At the NICU there were 6 babies in one room with a nurse constantly at their bedside(which wasn't a bad thing necessarily). Now we have our own room where we can shut the door, be all together, be a little louder and have more privacy. The nurses don't come in unless there is a reason to while parents are there. That being said, when we are gone, they visit his room frequently, rock him when he needs it and take wonderful care of him. It's a little strange getting use to the big differences between units and we miss a couple of Jackson's wonderful nurses who became our friends. But we're so thankful for his progress and hope to keep sailing along the road to coming home!

Is it June Yet?

This little boy finally moved to Salt Lake with us last week! We are so excited to all be back together again. This new situation has been a little rough on Carter and part of his coping mechanisms has been to sleep with as many stuffed animals as he can find. He literally will not go to bed without these 3 animals. They really have been the only stable thing in his life lately:)

His 3rd birthday is next week and he is very excited. He asks me everyday "Is it June Yet?" We have been planning his party for months now and we almost have all the details worked out. We are going home to Logan to celebrate because I know that will be happiest there. And that way cousins and grandparents can attend. Luckily he is still little enough that he doesn't care that we aren't inviting friends and we aren't going all out because we don't have time.
Before Jackson was born I was hoping that he'd be home by Carter's birthday but that isn't going to happen. I guess we'll just throw another big party when he finally comes home!

Look who weighs a whopping 7.5 pounds......

Jax is finally starting to put on weight and really fill out. Just overnight he lost that tiny newborn look and now has fuller cheeks and the start of a double chin. I've never been happier to see full cheeks on my little boy!

He is the most consolable baby. The nurses all appreciate that about him. If he is a little fussy all you have to do is swaddle him up tight and put his binky in, and he's out.

His binky is almost the same size as his face but he refuses to take the smaller sized binky. This picture shows his right PICC line in his arm. These are the only lines/wires he has attached to his body. This is how he gets his nutrition through his veins.

Since Carter moved up with us he has been spending a lot of time at the hospital with us. He is such a good boy while we are there. While Neil is at work he will sit by me in the rocking chair and read his books or play with his toys. He can usually last for about 60-80 minutes which is great for me. I can still spend lots of time with Jackson.

Jackson is up to eating 7 mL every 3 hours. A measly 1 1/2 tsp per feeding. He use to be a little upset after eating so little and felt unsatisfied. But now he has really gotten use to that amount and will give a hearty burp and fall right back to sleep. He does wolf down that tiny bottle as quickly as possible though.

The best news is that Jackson had surgery yesterday. It was a good surgery(if there is such a thing). The tube that feeds his lower bowel fell out (for the second time) on Monday. The surgeon decided to try and see if he could get the biggest size tube in there. The surgery was successful and the tube was placed. The dr. told us that he needed this size tube to eventually come home so we are one little step closer.

We are not ready to come home yet, but things have been going remarkably well. The surgeon told us that Jackson is doing as well as they could have hoped. But not to get to excited because there are bound to be setbacks. I of course, hope to be the exception and have everything go "perfectly" for my baby. We will see. He has made great progress and continues to poop and show us that his colon does in fact work and function.

Here he is all snuggled up before surgery in his heated blankets and sleeping through everything.

After surgery picture. Completely out! He had to be intubated during surgery but they were able to pull the breathing tube immediately after surgery and he never needed any assistance. What a strong little boy! The stretchy gauze around his tummy is to hold the new tube in place. The surgeon did tell the nurses, and I quote "I will meet the person who pulls this tube out at the gates of Hell." So we are all hoping it stays in like planned.
Here he is down having a dye study done. They injected dye into his body to see if his bowels had grown at all and they HAD!! The human body is so amazing and especially an infant's body. Adult's bowels can not grow in size so if they had Jax's condition, it would be permanent. But babies can grow their bowels and Jackson is doing just that. Everything is looking great for the future when he can be "Put back together!"

2 weeks old

Jackson turned 2 weeks old on Tuesday. It feels like he has been here for much longer though. He continues to make steady progress and there have already been talks of moving him to the Infant Unit because he doesn't need constant care. I am trying to not get my hopes up and get impatient but that is just one step closer to home. Plus it is a semi-private room that we are allowed to sleep in if we want, and it has a TV! Plus there is not a nurse with him 24 hours a day. They just come and go as they need. More privacy for us all.

Jackson is still eating his 5 mL every 3 hours and loving them. These feedings by mouth are not for calories but just for digestion practice right now. He eats a measly 2 ounces per day, which most newborns eat per feeding. But the good news is that he has FINALLY put on a little weight. At about a week old a nurse told us he'd put on a few ounces but come to find out her conversion between grams and ounces was a little off! He actually lost quite a bit of weight at first. Not unexpected though. We figure the 30 cm of bowel they cut out took some weight off, plus newborns always lose weight anyways. He was up to 6 lbs 6 oz last night. He's so tiny. I know that is average for some babies but not an Etherington baby. At two weeks old Carter was already a plump baby.

I have the worst luck ever and got strep throat (again) this week so I've missed 2 days of seeing my baby. (I've had my tonsils out 2 times already but keep getting strep. I will be heading to the ENT soon to see what other options there are) It's been hard having to stay away but I know it's best for Jackson. Neil has been great though and going in for the feedings and staying and snuggling Jax since I can't. I get to go back tomorrow though and I plan to stay most of the day to make up for lost time. Neil is such a good daddy to him and even took time off work to make sure he could be there for him.

After polishing off his morsel of a meal, Jax gave a nice burp and promptly fell asleep on Daddy's shoulder. He is an Etherington after all!

They are doing a dye study tomorrow where they inject dye into his bowels to see if there has been any growth there. We are excited to see the results. The surgeon is hoping to be able to insert a bigger tube in to one of his ostomies if there has been enough growth. Another important step in going home. I'm not saying we're coming home anytime soon, but these are all steps in the right direction.

Here is Carter making a wish at the fountain at Primarys. He wished for "Brother to get bigger and come home." We make that wish every day! His wish was partially granted though yesterday because Jackson finally POOPED! We have waited 2 weeks for this big achievement and were thrilled when it finally happened. Poop, although gross, is very necessary to stay healthy! So we keep praying for Poop. And keeping with the theme, since he is an Etherington, he shouldn't have much of a problem!

Uncle Steve finally got to meet Jackson. Jackson is very grateful for all his visitors and family members who love him.

Welcome to Holland

I received this article last week and thought how perfectly it fit my life right now.

"Welcome to Holland"

By Emily Kingsley

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It’s just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away...because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

--The End

I'm really trying to focus on the positives of our situation although the negatives, and why us do creep in. Why my baby? How come I don't get to take my baby home like everyone else? Why does my teeny baby have to have major surgery? It stinks sometimes living in a 600 sq ft basement apt. It stinks not having everything from your home. It really stinks leaving your baby at the hospital each night with strangers. It stinks leaving your 2 year old and having him cry. It stinks to hear Carter say "I want to go to my Logan home." It stinks not being able to fix my baby. It stinks having breakdowns in Walmart.....:)

But then when I think about "Holland" I realize: How much closer this experience has brought me to my husband. How much time we've spent together and how we've had to rely on each other more than ever. We have a special little boy brought to our family and he has a Heavenly Father who loves him more than we do, and there is a reason for this. His spirit is very strong. I'm relying more on my Savior than ever before and learning wonderful lessons. How much we truly love our 2 boys and how we'd do anything for them. We're learning a lot and for that we are grateful. I'm grateful for a 600 sq ft. apt that allows me to be only 5 minutes from the hospital. I'm grateful for parents and in-laws who lovingly watch Carter. I'm grateful for wonderful bosses who allow Neil to work from SLC and be here with me. I'm grateful for those strangers who lovingly take care of my baby and are becoming good friends. I'm grateful for the blessings of the gospel and for my Savior who can take some of this burden. And I"m especially grateful that my husband isn't embarrassed by his wife who cries at random times!

My boys

Life is still busy. But life is good. We are counting our blessings here instead of focusing on the trials we are experiencing. Carter came to visit again in Salt Lake and this time is in love with his brother. He wants to hold him constantly and gives his big smacking kisses. He will even try and take him out of my arms when he is ready to hold him.

This is one of my favorite pictures. 2 of my favorite boys together.
The biggest update is that Jackson was allowed to start feeding by mouth on Wednesday. Only 7 days after major surgery he was ready for some milk. They started him on 5mL every 3 hours which is 1 teaspoon. The first time it took him a few minutes to realize what was happening but once he realized there was something coming out, he chugged it right down.

The only bad part was that it was over in about 20 seconds and he wanted more. And his binkie was a poor substitute....it didn't produce milk when sucked!
Here is his milk induced coma look. He has tolerated his feeds as well as expected and so today they bumped him up to 7 mL every 3 hours just today. He is making wonderful progress and is such a happy, easy baby. The only time he cries is when they change his diaper or make him get undressed. He has the highest screech I have ever heard. And quite honestly, we love hearing it. He went several days without much movement or noise so it was refreshing to hear him cry. The nurses all love having him as their patient because he requires so little care. And rarely cries.

This is the face of a satisfied milk drinker. He is still a little baby. He weighs about 6 lbs 8 oz right now. Up 4 oz in 10 days. We hope that he can start putting on more weight with his new feeds. **Did you notice he no longer has any tubes in his nose or mouth? I was so excited to see that last tube gone.

Carter loves the playroom on the next floor. Which is great for us since we will be spending a lot of time at the hospital.

The same day he started eating, he also realized that he could open his eyes and be awake. It's so fun to see. After he eats he is usually awake for 10-20 minutes. He likes to look around and has even started to follow our voices with his eyes.
He gets to be dressed each day....minus his right arm. To many wires to fit into a sleeve for now.

He gets the open mouth sleeping from his mother I'm afraid to admit.

We celebrated Neil's 29th birthday here in Salt Lake together. Carter got to pick out his daddy's present all by himself. He picked M & m's and a rootbeer.

We are officially living in salt lake now. We rented an apartment today on a month to month basis and are in the process of finding a daycare for Carter. Somewhere he can go for a few hours a day while I am at the hospital and Neil is at work. Daycare prices are a bit higher than in Logan. I was spoiled at the Sports Academy paying 25 cents an hour! It is so weird to think that just last week we were living ordinary, boring lives and now we live in SLC with a new life.

We are still amazed at how wonderful people are and how helpful everyone is. Thank you to all who have called, texted or offered help in anyway. I hope to have the opportunity to help someone like people have helped us. We miss Logan a lot but are looking at the bright side here in Salt Lake!